My Inner Critic and Pickleball: Lessons I’m Learning

Mature Adult Female Playing Pickle Ball Photo Series

Written by Jill Fischer

June 19, 2023

When I went to my first Pickleball clinic a year ago, I thought it could be fun to learn to play this popular sport.

Little did I know that it would also challenge me in ways far beyond getting skillful at the game itself.

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. Learning something new comes with emotional challenges that are pretty predictable. When stretching in a new direction, negative thoughts and feelings tend to get activated. When I’m playing Pickleball, I’m both learning the physical skill and dealing with my negative mental chatter.

I do my best to see that part as fun, but that can be hard to do.

My learning curve has been steep.

I have no previous experience with sports that involve balls. In fact, I’ve either avoided them for most of my life or run in the other direction when the opportunity arose. I have many painful memories of being in PE as a kid and being the last one chosen for ball sports.

As a result, my eye-hand coordination—key to being good at playing Pickleball—leaves something to be desired. In other words, when I started, I was terrible at it.

If you’ve ever tried to learn a language as an adult, you know what I’m talking about. It’s humbling. You feel vulnerable. And your negative thoughts can make you your own worst enemy.

In Pickleball, I am haunted by what I call my “little beasties.”

These are the same little beasties that haunt me off the court when I’m challenging myself in new ways. I figure Pickleball is as good a place as any for me to practice dealing with them.

I will bravely—and vulnerably–share them with you here and then share what I do to counteract them.

Feelings of inadequacy and incompetency. So uncomfortable! So unpleasant! When I’m on the court, I’m missing balls that should be a breeze to hit; any sense of competence I may feel in other areas of my life goes totally out the window. I feel like an idiot who has never been good at anything. It’s demoralizing.
Feeling like I’m letting other people down. Since Pickleball is generally played in pairs, I’m likely to feel bad that my teammate has to endure playing with someone who can’t hold their own–another terrible feeling! I’m failing my teammate!
Comparing myself to others. The ease, skill, and confidence with which other people play seem utterly foreign to me. “Why can’t you be more like them?” my inner beasties say harshly. “You’re such a loser!”
Beating myself up. My inner beasties shout at me, “Who do you think you are? You’re terrible at this! You’ll never get any better! Why don’t you just give up?”
Feelings of rejection. My inner beasties convince me that no one wants to play with me. I’m positive there are eye rolls or subtle sighs of resignation when someone is paired with me. There’s nothing worse.

It kind of sounds like torture, doesn’t it? It is, at times! But early on, I decided that the enjoyable parts—the exercise, getting outdoors, and getting to meet new people—were worth finding a way to stick with it. I don’t want my little beasties to win this battle.

Here’s how I’ve helped myself counteract these negative thoughts and feelings:

Nevertheless, I am willing: When I notice them, I tell myself, “Nevertheless, I am willing to be courageous and keep showing up.”
Set myself up for success: I only play when I know that all levels are welcome. If I’m not familiar with the person I’m paired with, I will walk right up to them and say, “I’m a beginner. Are you okay playing with me?” That helps!
Learn from my failures: I tell myself that I am getting a little better with every missed shot. There is learning in the missed balls. In fact, it’s the only way to learn!
Compliment my teammates: I make a point of sincerely complimenting both my teammate and the opposing players when they make a good shot. It makes them feel good, and I feel good, too!
Use my sense of humor: I do my best to bring a fun-loving spirit and a sense of humor. After all, it’s a game! A number of more advanced players have told me they enjoy playing with me because I’m fun. I make it my superpower.