Want to Find Joy in Failing? Cultivate Toddler Spirit

Written by Jill Fischer

July 3, 2023

What would it be like if you could take delight in failing?

What if you could see failing as yet another wonderful opportunity to learn?

You actually did do exactly that at one time in your life. It was when you were learning to walk. You had what I like to call “Toddler Spirit.”

What is Toddler Spirit?

If it’s been a while since you’ve been around a toddler who is learning to walk, I suggest you go to Youtube to get a reminder. Besides delightful amusement, you’ll see Toddler Spirit in motion.

What does that look like? It looks like this:

A willingness to fall down and get back up over and over again without fuss
An absence of any signs of self-criticism for falling or wobbling or not being able to do it yet
Enormous delight in succeeding at taking even one step or two
Exuberantly responsive to the people who are cheering them on

We all have the capacity for Toddler Spirit

If you are someone who is able to walk, you have Toddler Spirit somewhere inside. At one time in your life, you did what we all do when we learn to walk: you learned by repeatedly failing at something that you really wanted to do. You didn’t stop trying until you succeeded.

Your Toddler Spirit was once alive and well.

How to find your Toddler Spirit again

Here are some things that can help:

Read about famous people who failed many times before succeeding.

Some of the stories about the “failures” of wildly successful people are truly encouraging. Some examples:

The creator of the bagless vacuum cleaner, Sir James Dyson, created 5,126 failed prototypes before succeeding, leading to a net worth of $4.5 billion.

JK Rowlings was a broke, depressed, divorced single mother who was writing a novel while going to school. Her books were rejected by numerous publishers before being published and becoming wildly successful.

Thomas Edison, who invented the phonograph and the electric lightbulb along with 1,000 other patents, was told by his teachers that he was “too stupid to learn anything.” (Same with Albert Einstein!)

Novelist Stephen King’s first book, Carrie, was rejected by publishers 30 times. He had thrown it in the trash where his wife retrieved it and begged him to resubmit it, which led to his first book deal, launching his highly successful career.

It sounds like they all found their Toddler Spirit.

Get good at recognizing the signs that your mind is misleading you into thinking that failure is bad and shouldn’t happen.

If you’re like me, your mind can be a little sneaky. You may have an expectation that you shouldn’t have to try a zillion times to get good at something. This can lead to giving up too quickly, concluding (incorrectly) that you’re not capable of doing what you set out to do.

Thoughts like, “I’m no good at this,” “I can’t,” or “I’m just not built for this,” “I’m not talented,” or “I don’t have what it takes” are clues. Feelings of discouragement, frustration, and irritation are also clues that your mind is trying to pull the wool over your eyes and convince you that failure and struggle aren’t valuable parts of the path to getting better and succeeding.

Have a plan for counteracting your negative self-talk when you see it.

In a moment when you have more confidence in yourself, plan ahead for ways that you will coach your way through the inevitable moments when your negative thoughts and feelings are like a sandstorm that clouds your vision. For example:

Have a card nearby your workspace or in your packet that says something like, “Nevertheless, I am willing” or “Nevertheless, she persisted.”
On a piece of paper, list all the negative thoughts you are having on the left-hand side of the page. On the right-hand side, write encouraging responses to each negative thought, including: “Everyone who has ever accomplished something has gone through periods of feeling unsure about whether they could do it. It doesn’t mean that I can’t.” Include evidence that contradicts those negative thoughts, even if in a small way, or reminders that even in simply persevering, you are, in a sense succeeding.
Keep a daily journal of even the smallest steps you took toward your goal that day.
Writing down the steps will help you recognize your progress. You will see that you are putting in the elbow grease, the focus, and the practice that is needed to eventually get good at what you are doing and make progress toward your goal even if you can’t yet see the results.

Delight in your own progress, no matter how small. CELEBRATE each small step!

It’s easy to lose sight of your progress by focusing only on what is not yet happening rather than on what is.

If you’ve gotten yourself to sit down for a half hour and work on that book you’ve been putting off writing, celebrate that!
If you’ve gone for even a short walk when you’re trying to get more physically fit, celebrate that!
If you’ve managed to get dinner on the table while the kids are screaming and fighting, celebrate that!
When you clean the bathroom after avoiding doing it for weeks, celebrate that!

Enlist a support team of one or two people who you trust and who have agreed to be there for you when you need cheering on.

Let them know ahead of time how they can be helpful.

For example, you might ask them to remind you of your strengths, of evidence in your life when you have been successful, and of the possibilities they see in you. Think about what would be most encouraging for you to hear in those moments and coach them in saying that!

Remember: failure equals learning.

“Failure” is just a negative word for the experience of being engaged in a valuable learning process. If you can embrace it as a necessary part of getting better at something, it can become a welcome gift rather than a defeating obstacle.